Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Give a little to get a little?
Song of the Glob: "Monday, Monday" by The Mamas and the Papas
I'm pissed off. I'm rather amazed how calm I am about it, however. I'd like to be breaking things and what-not but I'm doing the healthy thing and bottling it up inside.
Writing here helps.
My man, whom we'll call by his nickname, "Spiffy," has been restricted further contact with me or probably with anyone else, so... things are getting sticky. Stickier. They were sticky to begin with. I can't actually write about this in detail, I just realized. Crap. At least not without his consent.
Great. Maybe I can work around the whole moral thing...
His parents don't approve of me, especially his dad. Maybe I wrote this before, maybe not - whatever. They were already proventing him from seeing me as much as possible before and now they've just... well... there is little... okay, there is nothing that can be done. Just going to let things cool down. It's all I can do. Even though things weren't very warm to start with. It's strange... technically I have somebody... but at the same time I feel like I don't. It's not so bad when you get to see the person once in a while and are able to exchange an e-mail or two or make a phone call, however short it may be... but it's not the same now. I missed him a lot when he was away and who knows how much longer it will be before I get to see him or even hear from him again.
This is all bull shit. None of it is worth it. There is no way this can be seen as something beneficial except to one person and it's not Spiffy. I don't understand why it's not clear. I'm trying to, but it's just... stupid. That's what it is. It's stupid. Screw love. That's not really what this is all about anymore. Maybe it is. But it's not modern, 21st century thinking! Maybe it is. Oh god, our world is crap. But it doesn't have to be. wsexrcftgybhujimomiuytfrdesw456.
I'm really lucky and I know it. Knowing the families I know, I couldn't ask for a better family because I really don't think it gets much better than this.
Most people can't talk to their mom or dad about their problems. I'm grateful that I can. My mom knows pretty much everything about me. Neither of us have secrets from each other and we trust each other fully. Peas in a pod. I bet peas still argue once in a while too, in their pod, but when they're tight, they're tight.
I can talk to my grandma about a lot of things and she tells me her stories and secrets too. Although, I do refrain from elaborating on certain topics... for good reasons.
My brother... well, he usually tells me about his issues. He's young.
I actually opened up quite a bit to my dad the other day, when my brother wasn't around. Maybe my dad will too. Maybe.
But going back to my mom... like I said, she knows everything. She would never go through my things. She would never check my e-mails and chat logs. She would never even open my mail without my permission. (she made sure my grandparents wouldn't either when my schoolwork was being sent to their house.) She wouldn't need to do those things. Snooping is against my mom's moral values.
Privacy. Everyone's entitled to it. Exceptions are when someone's in some kind of danger. Lack of privacy will probably end up in some kind of danger for someone anyway. That doesn't really make sense, so I'm hoping you know what I mean.
I keep jumping from one point to another in this glob. I apologize. It's not very well-written.
I'm skipping ahead to the point: In a nutshell, if you trust your kid, they will trust you.
If you give your kid restriction after restriction, even if it starts out innocently and lovingly enough, it probably won't seem that way and your kid will find a way to get out of it. They'll sneak around and do things behind your back. Should they get caught, and the truth comes out, as it so often does (non-politically speaking, of course), the immediate action is usually APPLY MORE RESTRICTIONS. Tougher restrictions. Making your kid want to go against those restrictions and once again, go behind your back, probably in a more sneaky way than before. Next? -> Caught. -> Restricions. -> Sneak. -> Caught. - Restrictions... Viscious circle. Maybe the trick is to not get caught, but I think it's really to trust your kid, to see things from their point of view, to understand them, or to at least try. Restrictions which may be claimed to bring your kid closer to you, only push them away more. You can see examples of this in many families with a teenager(s). It's pretty simple. Talk to your kid and trust your kid and damn it! - they might just do the same in return.
What a concept.
I'm done writing this for now. It's a pretty crappy post... just ranting... kind of incoherent... oh well.