Friday, February 27, 2009

1, 2, 3, 4, Evolution's full of it

Song of the Glob: Sesame Street version of 1, 2, 3, 4 by Feist. See below.

"If you deny evolution then you're denying biology.

If you deny biology then you're denying chemistry.
If you deny chemistry then you're denying physics.
If you deny physics then you're denying mathematics.
If you deny mathematics then you're denying reality." - George Hrab.

Some fun minor changes to the lyrics:

One, two, three, four

Evolution’s full of it

Sleepless, long nights

Praying God will change it

Oh ancient hopes are lying at your door

Left you with nothing

But they want some more

Oh, oh, oh

You’re ignoring the facts

Oh, oh, oh

You know to react

Sweetheart, bitter heart

Now I can’t tell you apart

Cozy and cold

Use your brain before you start

Those ancient hopes

Who have tears in their eyes

Too scared to admit

There’s no paradise

Oh, oh, oh

You’re blind to the world

Oh, oh, oh

Refitting the words

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, and ten
Believing to answer the things that you can’t understand

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, and ten
Believing to answer the things that you can’t understand

Oh, oh, oh,

You’re blind to the world

Oh, oh, oh

Refitting the words

Oh, oh, oh

But science can’t be right

Oh, oh, oh

Come see all the light

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

To be, or not to be?

Song of the Glob: Imagine by John Lennon.

Dear Globlets,

I think it's "silly" (to put it as mildly as possible) to say that the bible is true, that God's word is true. *God's word is that God's word is true.* God says the bible is true. --> The bible says God is true. --> God says God is true in the bible. --> Man wrote the bible... so doesn't that mean that man says God is true, saying he says he's true, in the bible, which man wrote, which man claims the g-Man told them to write... You can't prove the bible with the bible. Basically, what I wrote up there was the bible proves God proves the bible proves God proves the bible proves God proves the bible proves God proves the bible, and so forth.

If the bible were true, I should be able to be convinced by it and believe it without first having to be told that it is true and without having to suspend reason. But no, I have to believe in the g-Man before I can believe in g-Man. That makes perfect sense. I have to be told that this is the way it is, from day one, and not to think otherwise, in order to believe in the bible. A girl I talked to admitted this is the case... and she was okay with it! She said, yes, “It's blind faith.” How can you be okay with that? You're blocking out all scientific facts for a fairy tale that gives suitable “answers" to unanswerable questions and saves you from unavoidable, ever-feared death.
I don't have a problem with religion; I have a problem with believing in something without reason, (Like Bill Maher said) without question, and blindly following one's forefathers, giving up logic, reason and science in the name of faith, in the name of a few-thousand-year-old myth. There is some scientific evidence of some things mentioned in the bible, the recording of certain events. Sometimes they are exaggerated, however. I will get back to this later.

I think it's appalling that in some religious schools, they teach biology only to refute it later.
No, not appalling - twisted.

Faith is Belief; Believing is NOT Knowing.

Why God doesn't exist:
Noah's Ark: There is no way the Noah's Ark Shebang could have ever happened.
Now they're saying that rather than "all species" boarding the ark, the bible actually meant kinds
of animals. - One kind of feline, one kind of canine, one kind of bird, one kind of rodent? Something like that. But that's changing the words of the bible which are meant to be taken literally, I am told. It's all true. If God wanted it to be clear, he would have told the writers to write "KIND" not "SPECIES." If that were the case, it would be admitting evolution happened in that when the flooding ceased, those animals somehow had to evolve in less than a few thousand years into jaguars, lions, beavers, toucans, and then spread across the world to their necessary habitats. That’s some seriously advanced evolution. If not, then somehow Noah would have had to convince every single insect, the guanacos and condors of South America, the native badicoots, koalas, and kangaroos of Australia, to go with him. But they're not on the same continent. He would have had to travel across the oceans, give all species the 4-1-1, and bring them all back, only to get on another boat and get flooded somewhere in the Middle East. Did you know that there are 755 different species of reptiles currently in Australia? And somehow they would not have eaten the rodents accompanying them on this voyage... (Imagine the spiders!!! Oooohh NO, DON'T! >.< ) “The Noah thing is probably a mixture of stories about a flood that really happened on the Euphrates River about 125 miles southeast of present day Baghdad. Every spring the Euphrates floods but according to archaeologists, one June around 129 BC, there was a six day storm and the river rose another 22 ft. That would have overflowed the levies; a lot of people got killed. One of the survivors was a local Sumerian King named Ziusudra. He resourcefully commandeered a commercial barge, loaded it with merchandise and rowed the barge downstream into the Persian Gulf, where he finally ran aground. Thankful to be alive, Ziusudra offered a sacrifice in a hilltop temple.” “We have geologic and archaeological evidence to support that. No surprise, at least six other cultures of the region had flood stories like Noah.” – Penn & Teller. Dinosaurs: They existed, we know it. It's a scientific fact. If you don't believe me, I'll take you to a museum where they've reconstructed a brontosaurus using its skeletal remains.
Some religious people do believe in dinosaurs. Some claim that the first few "days" of the world were not actually days. They were periods. Yet, again, you're going back to change things in the bible so that they can fit with reality. You know what else you can do that with? Astrological predictions and fortune cookies. But fine, let's say they were "periods." When, during those periods, could dinosaurs have been able to walk the earth? Let's examine, using the bible:
Genesis says, 6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." 7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. But the previous day, he had already made light and separated it from the dark - day and night... identifiable by the sun and the moon, but the sun and the moon are in the sky... so the sky had to have been there before God created it in the next passage. But then... 14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. So that's when the sun and moon showed up... but vegetation was created before this and there was no sun until the next Period? or Day? And just before he makes man, he puts some wildlife and livestock on the planet... When could dinosaurs have fit in?
Not the first day, because the two lights had not been created, although for some reason there's day and night already.
Not the second day, because the water of the earth was still connected to the water of the sky. But there was morning and evening again, without the sun and moon. They couldn't have been around then because land was not yet available.
Not the third day, because plants and trees were sprouting from the ground at a fast rate... it needed to be fast to cover the planet. Dinosaurs would probably get stabbed by random spruce and acacia trees bursting out of the ground. No animals mentioned here.
The fourth day! NOW the sun and moon are created. NOW the plants can live and grow... because they couldn't have without it... so that must really have been just a day because if it were a period, the plants would have died. He separated the light and darkness AGAIN. :/
On the fifth day, there were birds and trees and at no point are any other creature on the land discussed - so not that day/period either.
24 And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. All of a sudden, there's livestock and wild animals and other creatures that move along the ground, but if that were the case on this day/period, where were the dinosaurs? They moved along the ground... and ate all the livestock? There were cows and sheep and pigs (livestock) at the time the dinosaurs ruled? I didn't know that. Funny how there aren't any livestock fossils from millions of years ago. So they could not have walked the earth together.

The g-Man later gave all green plants for food to man, but when did he make some of those plants venomous? But I guess since Adam and Eve were so pure, they would be immune to poisons and such. Still, they were venomous to the later generations... so not all green plants were good.

There is no proof of Moses or Exodus: - See 'Challenges to his historicity'

There were many Jesuses back in the day, just like today! Jesus Bonilla is a Spanish actor...Was there a Jesus who was crucified? Yes - "Jesus ben Stada was a Judean agitator who gave the Romans a headache in the early years of the second century. He met his end in the town of Lydda (twenty five miles from Jerusalem) at the hands of a Roman crucifixion crew. And given the scale that Roman retribution could reach – at the height of the siege of Jerusalem the Romans were crucifying upwards of five hundred captives a day before the city walls – dead heroes called Jesus would (quite literally) have been thick on the ground. Not one merits a full-stop in the great universal history." – [Quoted from]

If there was enough evidence to prove the bible, wouldn't everyone already be able to believe in the bible? If the bible could be proven true, it would be true, and no one would believe, they would know. If there was enough proof that God and Jesus exists, that there is a paradise promised to you post-partum, which is an exclusive club only for people who are worthy enough in the eyes of God, and not any other god-created creature, THEN we could all KNOW that the g-Man is more believable than the tooth fairy. For he currently is not.
If the idea that a man-god simply snapped his fingers and said, *poof* light. *poof* sky. *poof* night and day. *poof* trees. *poof stars* *poof* animals. and *poof* humans, would ever really overrule the probable fact that humans gradually came to be, evolving from the smallest of things to bigger things, from apes to humans, over a millions-of-years time frame, then I would need to see the evidence more than ever. But until religion has a good case, I won’t wait on the tooth fairy to give me a toonie for my tooth; I will live my life the way I choose, god-free and happy, living not in denial and fear of the consequences of not believing/worshipping/etc., but with acceptance of the fact that I won't, nor anyone I will ever meet, be perfect, that death is death and not more life, that I will die when it is my time and before then, I will have done everything I could to make my world and the general world a good place to live in. I have the same right to be here as a possum, a dandelion, a dolphin, a man, a king, an Amazonian tribe member, a fish, an elephant, a lamb, and so on. I have the right to be. It is my choice: to be. The only purpose I have in life is to love, and be loved in return, and to help the world continue loving and spread that love all over the place like butter on bread.

It is my choice to be good and to be happy, because feeling angry and doing bad things does not make a person feel good. If everyone did bad things and acted immorally, the world would turn to chaos, and by now we would not longer exist as a species. That is why it is all about survival of the fittest. You protect your young and you try to co-exist with others as best you can, for what? Not for paradise. Not for heaven. Not for any purely selfish, self-righteous reward... but for a better world and to keep it from crumbling. (- Metaphorically. If it crumbles for real, there probably won’t be much we could do about it.) Selfish only to the world.

To be, or not to be? My answer is "to be," and that is why I'm here. And because I can be.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Illogical songs.

Song of the Glob. (See end of Glob)

Dear Globlets,

I've written those two words (Dear Globlets) numerous times in the last little while only to have nothing follow them. I think it's because I have a lot on my mind, (probably more than I've ever had and it's bound to continue to increase until some decisions are made... or I'll get used to it as I grow older) and I don't know where to begin.
I really feel like smashing my head against the window over and over... or smashing watermelons down on the ground from the rooftop... but watermelons are expensive even though they taste like nothing because they're always imported and were never given a chance to grow up in a friendly environment... Poor watermelons. :( I guess I won't smash them then. They don't deserve to die just because they've had a rotten childhood! *cue Bohemian Rhapsody: I'm just a poor boy from a poor family. He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from his monstrosity - doodoodoodoodoodoodoo. Easy come, easy... ok, enough*

Here we go again with not knowing where to start. Of course it doesn't help to randomishly break out in song. But I really don't know. I don't know where to start while globulating it, I don't know where to start in real life. I think I know what I need to do. I know that if I make the "wrong" decision though, I'll still have time to repair the "damage." "Life may be short, but it's the longest thing you'll ever do," right? I'm just afraid of the consequences and the potential risks associated with my choice. I'm afraid of being wrong and doing the wrong thing. But at the same time, who is to say wrong is really, or will be, wrong? (Unless I end up living on the streets :/ ) Everyone is afraid of making mistakes and no one is forever protected from them, no matter how hard they try to hide. Everybody messes up once in a while, it makes us human.
The solutions to my problems could be simple, and simpler still if someone speaks it as a broken down equation. I think it's harder for people to simplify and answer their own equations.
I'm not making much sense, am I? Don't expect things to get any clearer.

The root of this is, I really don't know what I want. I've talked about this before in one of my semi-recent globulations, but my doubts and questions and whatnot are still very much present in my life and mind, and as I said earlier, they seem ever-increasing. So what do I do with the crap floating around in my mind? I globulate it. You're welcome for the visual!
I appreciate the faith that my family and friends prove/say they have in me. But being me, I have very, very little faith in myself. So little, it's ridiculous sometimes.
I would love to be a musician and to study music and to write music. I feel like crying at the thought of... well, I don't know. Not being able to play the piano because I wouldn't have enough time? Having to give up music to make room for more important things? I feel like crying when I long to play the piano as well, or when I wish I'd write something or learn to play something flawlessly... but don't/can't... I miss it all the time. *Sing: I love you all the time. Except when you are mine. To love be with you is a crime. Woah...* Nothing is really stopping me from playing except for guilt. Guilt for not doing all the other things I'm supposed to be doing. Never mind the haunting idea that I would never be good enough. Although, of all the things I doubt about myself, I do think that I could be good if I put my mind to it. But unless I made it big in the music industry, I would still need a proper job and income.
That's one thing.
I'd also like to be a photographer. I adore taking pictures, especially of people.
I'd also like to be a writer. That would mean I'd need to take a lot of English and other writing courses. That's not a bad thing... I guess I just struggle with the courses I'm taking with FVDES because I've lost a lot of respect for the school, the teachers and the courses. The assignments often seem very petty, time-consuming, I don't learn anything from a bunch of them, there are constant typos throughout the materials... it's like they've never used spell-check but they turn around and tell you to proof-read your work and reduce your marks when things are grammatically incorrect. Hmmm.
I know I've got to do stuff that I don't want to do to get what I want. And I think I know what I've got to do. I'm getting some ideas as I'm writing this and now I have a bunch of research to do. I think it involves putting music on the back burner, which sucks, but I don't know what else to do, and it hurts but... yeah.
I think I'm going to have to shut a lot of my activities out of my day so I can strap myself to a chair, sit there and take every hit from my courses with not but a grunt. I think I'm going to look into SIDES. Maybe it'll be better. I want to do stuff online. I hate paper-based courses. The school rarely goes over the materials and they require more work than is necessary. (compared to online work)
There's more but I think you can get the gist of what I mean.
This seems to be the only way I can find. It's smarter, I suppose, and I already figured that this would be the way things would turn out. Music will have to be a hobby, something to do in my free time, if I ever have any of that again. It's easier to eliminate music than anything else, especially because it's one of the greatest distractions from school work ever. In the back of my mind, though, there is a little voice saying, "NO! Don't do it! Don't stop!" but I don't know what else to do.
And it hurts.

My current situation-life song is Logical Song by Supertramp...

When I was young
It seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees
Well they'd be singing so happily
Oh joyfully, oh playfully watching me
But then they sent me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, oh responsible, practical
And then they showed me a world
Where I could be so dependable
Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical

There are times when all the world's asleep
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
Please tell me who I am

I say: Now watch what you say
Or they'll be calling you a radical
A liberal, oh fanatical, criminal
Oh won't you sign up your name
We'd like to feel you're acceptable,
respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable
whoa (tick tick tick yeah)

But at night when all the world's asleep
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Live now, die later.

Song of the Glob: Moving in Stereo

Dear Globlets,

This is a comment I posted on a friend's Vlog a while back, discussing afterlife. He says that this life is like "the primer" and heaven is basically the ultimate joint to chill at. - This is the warm-up before the big game. And my response to that was this:

Then why not just kill ourselves?... like when you're middle aged or older and afraid of getting old, when you hit hard times, or when you're still young and beautiful to spend eternity in heaven looking good (maybe you'll be less shallow in heaven but til then, you're still human)... Why don't people kill themselves more often if 80:millions of years is so appealing?
That's why suicide bombers are diggin' the suicide part of their killings. Muslim martyrs are promised 72 virgins, despite the gaping loopholes of such an idea... (Like once you've had sex with all of them, you end up with 72 wives and maybe close to a hundred kids. Or if you're gay, what are you going to do with 72 female virgins?) and they kill themselves a lot... they're one step ahead: paradise before 45.
How does heaven work, anyway? It's rather vague to me. They should have a pamphlet.
If you die old, do you stay old in heaven?
Or if a baby dies, who has no concept of any god, do they go to "the" heaven and remain a baby forever?
Or if a member of a tribe of natives that has never worshipped any higher being, without any knowledge of gods at all, what happens to them? Just because they don't know about god, is that enough reason to deny them eternity? Shouldn't he be working on making himself known to all beings? I was told once that I'd have a choice (?), being a non-believer, but why would I want to spend eternity with the big guns if I denied 'em for so long? What if I wanted to be up there? Would I be allowed?
And what will you do for all eternity??!!
I'm quite happy with the idea that my death would be around 80, assuming all goes well. It probably won't, but who knows, maybe it'll be better. I wouldn't want to live longer than that. Is this life not in vain if there is an eternal afterlife? I know it doesn't have to be. But seriously, let's kill ourselves before we get old, sick and useless! Why not? We really might as well.

One of my all-time favourite quotes is from the classic, To Kill A Mockingbird: "There are just some kind of men who are so busy worrying about the next world that they never learn to live in this one." - Miss Maudie.

Stick. Carrot. Ass.

Dear Globlets,

For those of you just joining us now, I'd been giving Christianity and the bible a chance... I wanted to see if it were at all logical or remotely possible for the "word of God" to be true. I was entertaining the idea. So I began reading the bible. [First Bible-Questioning] I don't know how much more of this I'd be able to take. I'm not going to read the whole bible, I have better ways to spend my time. This will probably be one of the last religion-based globulations. There are just way too many loopholes in the bible and there are plenty of people who have already pointed them out. Fighting over the truth is not worth my time. I get too angry when people refuse to remove their blinders and see the light, which actually came from a star, the sun (not from any god), which creates photosynthesis in plants, causing them to grow, with the addition of water, etc. :o

What is the bible to me? The bible is a book (refutable by any 9th grade science text book) that was written by man to explain the things that their ill-equipped, 2000 year-old minds could not comprehend, writing it in such a way to benefit the heterosexual MAN. Then why, later in the bible, are there so many incidents of homosexuality? Even incest...
For example: Genesis 19:5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, so that we may know them. - Wanting some gay sex...
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. Eh?
Shortly after...
Genesis 19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof. - That's nice. Give your virgin daughters to a bunch of guys so they don't screw the other guys. I'm sure the girls will be happy with this idea. Turns out Lot, the dad, lied to the guys because the daughters were married and likely to have already been deflowered.
A glimpse of the incest in the bible:
Genesis 19:30-36 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth: Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. - This is great. It's like... reading this in the bible makes incest okay...

Aaand back to the beginning...

What did God do before he created the Earth and how long was he around for? How did God come to be? Was there nothing before Earth? Nothing before 6000 years ago? Did God create those galaxies light-years away as well? The Milky Way? Did God create the other planets and the stars? No. He didn't. Space is so vast, no one in the time the bible was written could even begin to understand the enormity of space. They couldn't incorporate any space business to the bible even if they wanted to.
Let's say Adam and Eve did take some time to "BowChickaWowWow" and Eve had a son, Cain, who killed her second son, Abel. Later, Cain "BowChickaWowWowed" his wife and she had a son, of course, and... WAIT A MINUTE! Woah! Where did this wife come from? Let's see...
1 + 1 = 3, + 1, - 1 = 3. Not 4.
In English: Adam + Eve = Adam, Eve and Cain + Abel - Abel (killed) = Adam, Eve and Cain again... Did Cain screw his mom or his long-lost sister?
Does anyone know what happens when people related by blood mate with each other? They make humans with deformities, physical and/or mental. So if the brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers all had sexual relations with each other, they'd all look like weird little freaks, as would we.
Genesis 4:17, baby. After 4:17, all these sons were springing up from out of the ground, thanks to mysterious unnamed women or their mother, and some of those men took two wives. It's always been okay for men to have more than one wife. :) Since a man usually only has one penis, if they have sex with one of their wives, couldn't you say they're cheating on the other wife, breaking one of the ten commandments? Committing adultery. I'm stretching it, I know.
Leviticus 20:17 And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.
What makes the Christian god/religion better than any other? What makes it more right? This god or any other god is about as believable to me as the tooth fairy or the boogie man or Zeus.
Christians love using quotes from the bible, especially to answer questions they don't really know the answer to. I long for straight-up answers. They always use the nice quotes and forget about the bad stuff in the bible like the violence, murder, the result of committing homosexual acts, incest, and all those unmerciful consequences of whatever God dislikes, or rather, of what Man dislikes, regardless of the fact that the bible encourages some of those acts sometimes... Oh man. It's just too confusing. Why don't they see this? I feel like slapping certain people around and shaking them, saying, "Wake up! Get a grip!"

I'm going to stick to logic and facts and you can stick to some old man-made book that has more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
If you can't read the bible and really think about what it says, if you keep your blinders on to hide from reason, then all I ask of you is to keep religion to yourself and don't indoctrinate your kids before they've been exposed to, and are old enough to understand, all religions.

See Religulous

Raise an eyebrow or two - Swiss Cheese

But, see, religious people will probably not look into any of these links or the video because it's outside of their blinders.

Eat what you're fed and go where you're being led.

How is the bible bull shit?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Men will be boys.

Song of the Day: Buttons by Kinnie Starr

The following is the description for a Facebook group titled, National Man Day.

Man Candles - Pretty good...
How to get a lady - Pretty insane.

This day is the day for all men to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a Man." And "Yes, I will step up and do manly things and whatever I want to do on this glorious day!" [But guys do whatever they want all the time anyway...]
Come, make history! [Down boy, haven't you been doing enough of that? Unless you make history for the better...] Be a part of National Man day. Take the world by the throat [Gotta stop taking things like that... no one will comply willingly...] and tell them it's ok to watch Rocky movies all day. Tell them it's fine if you sit in your favorite chair and scratch yourself. Tell them it's normal to go shoot stuff or blow something up. Why? Because YOU ARE A MAN!!! [So if you're a woman and you like blowing stuff up, then you actually have testicles?]
You aren't some nancy that likes to frolic in the fields, unless it's a field of mines and you have an AK47 and a hand full of grenades... Then you really are a man! [UGH! Well, if you're violent, then you must be a man, right?]
Yes on this day, men across the nation will be saying, "Screw you salad bar, with your salad and light dressings!" Men will step up and say, "I'll take that 20 oz steak, and yes, I'll eat it all. Because I'm a man!" [Somebody's not getting laid tonight...]

I'm not asking you to throw some sissy party, or to go buy a new power tie because you're a man. All I'm asking you to do is step up live this day like a man would. Blow something up, shoot some animal, punch your buddy in the face for no reason, be a good father, play football and literally (???)knock someone's head off... Do something manly. Be a man like God intended you to be... [They had AK47's 2000 years ago?]
Take this day and celebrate your manhood! [Because you won't be getting laid, right? Gonna spend two hours on the can afterwards, then jack off while looking at yourself and your enormous manhood in the mirror. What woman would not want something so good looking? 300 pounds of sexy, manly, scruffy, gorgeous, big, sweaty man meat. Kill me now.
All right, let's get to the globbing...]

Dear Globlets,

Two hundred thousand boys have joined this National Man Day Facebook group. I say "boys" because that's what they are. These are the boys that still live at home, or who think women are to serve them and think they actually deserve that. They're the boys who, when a relationship fails, will forever believe it was the female's fault. They're the boys who think girls should blow them and they probably pressure their girlfriends into performing sexually with them. Guys who believe all this never grow up because they depend on women to do stuff for them, just like their mothers would. A wife is the mom you can screw. And that isn't fair to women. It's what women have been running from, and they should. Women deserve better and always have, always will. It saddens me when girls grow up in an environment where male superiority is taught to be right, the way of life.
These boys have never grown up. Men will do those things regardless of any "holiday", but by enforcing this "holiday," it's like everybody else has to make way for them and to kiss the ring on their finger which is connected to the same hand with which they, moments ago, scratched their hairy balls. Mmmm, yes!
No. It's disgusting. If you're itchy down there, take a shower. Go clean yourself. Maybe you have lice in your pubes! It would be really great if guys could scratch themselves in the bathroom and then promptly wash their hands. I'm not about to reach down there and scratch my crotch out in the open...

There is so much violence associated with manliness that it sickens me, it pisses me off, and makes me think a lot less of the whole second half of humanity. Causing harm, being destructive, killing and beating people and things doesn't make you a man. It makes you an animal. To have such little regard for others, you might as well give an ape a gun. They'll shoot, hear a bang, get excited, do it again and again, kill a couple of things, become fascinated by it, along with the dead, maybe even feel empowered by it, eat a banana, and continue... That's how I imagine an ape would react with a weapon. Isn't that what happens to boys/men when they use guns too?
Hunting and killing for pleasure are two different things. Hunting doesn't bother me as long as it is done in moderation or if it's a way of life, to gather food, as it has been done since the beginning of time.

Apart from all of this, all the violence, demoralization of women and stupidity that men seem to constantly leak and spew out from their tiny little pricks all over the face of the earth, the one thing that really got to me about this whole thing was the "be a good father" bit. Notice how it was right next to "punch your buddy in the face for no reason." What great role models these men are. I feel sorry for the kids. You know what's going to happen to them? Their fathers will not show enough love towards them during their childhood. They will not hug, hold, or kiss them, for fear of being called homosexual or something similarly stupid, just as their fathers had done to them, and the children will become angry but will still want to be good enough for their fathers, so they will go hunting (or something) with them, because they just want their dads to love them. They will grow up like their fathers unless they manage to change and be a stronger person.

I don't believe all men are like this. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that that's what I think. There are good men out there, it's just hard to find them sometimes.

Women and children deserve better.
Take a shower, shave, put on some pants, make yourself a sandwich, and should you have the balls to wear a pink shirt, enough guts to care, the courage to show your love, then you're already more of a man than any ape with a gun or lumberjack/redneck.

Here are some more quotes from the Facebook group to piss you off:

"Men: Thanks for all the great pics and support! We as men need to stand up and take back this country! Remember when Men ruled the ENTIRE world? Neither do I because we have failed to meet the challenges that have faced us as men. We need to start acting like we have a pair of balls and stop doing things like watching Dancing with the stars and driving Mazda Miata convertibles.

National Man Day is about acting like a Man & taking responsibility for things we can control. Be a better father to your kids, hit the gym, punch a gorilla in the face, treat women like a gentleman, and most of all BE A MAN! A glorious testosterone filled, standing up when you piss MAN!" - Aaron and Joel Longanecker, National Man Day Founders

"finally.....i can now sit on the couch on June 15th with my hand in my waist line....and not have to answer any questions why I'm doing it. Why is that....because I'm a man....and it's man day! Now make me my steak woman!!!!" - Eric

"im just gonna browse the list of "non men" who declined this wonderful oppritunity to do something with their lives" - Brandon, whose picture is of two shirtless, pantless guys, one is probably him, dicks within centimetres of each other, pissing on something.

I like this one (duh):
"Well, if I'm not mistaken, I believe that March 14th is Steak and Blowjob day, also followed by Cake and Cunnilingus day on April 14th." - Claire, replied to with...
"OMG ITS A GIRL! GTFB2 kitchen." - Glenn

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Eech Inspediments & Fun.

Song of the Glob: We're Here For a Good Time (Not a Long Time) by Trooper. song

Dear Globlets,

I'm not really in the mood for highly opinionated glob-posting today so we'll see what we get instead.

I went for a FiOri Day of Extreme Epictude today. It was, as it only always is, fabulous, despite the ever-decreasing epictude of the already-visited Victoria locations. We met downtown at the mall, choosing to meet there thanks to a high dosage of creativity nearly boiling over in the hearts and souls of us both. *cough...* We were faced with a problem that grew worse with each passing minute and growled from within: Hunger. But where to eat? What to eat? Where to eat?! We ask ourselves what we don't want and work from there. It was stated that pasta, sushi and fast-food were out of the question, leaving us with Earl's, Cactus Club Cafe, or Sauce (Bar and Grill).
"Too bad we don't have a three-sided coin," said I.
"Let's ask someone to be the third hand for 'rock, paper, scissors,'" (or something along those lines,) said Fiona.
"Hi, can you 'rock, paper, scissors' with us?" we laughed.
"You can be Earl's," Fiona joked, imagining the response we'd get from a total stranger being asked/told this. No, we didn't do it. Almost did. But I said I was leaning more towards Earl's or Sauce. We ended up at Sauce because Earl's lost with paper, defeated, only naturally, by Sauce's scissors.
I had the same thing I had there last time: a tuna steak sandwich. I thought about getting fish and chips, but for two dollars more I could get something I knew I'd really like. It's like a huge chunk of tuna sashimi with sesame seeds, sauce and bread. I had broccoli-cheddar soup with it. Beats the grease in fries and the consequences of lettuce (-allergy). All very nice. Last time I had the sandwich, I think I liked the sauce better... it had more wasabi, was more spicy... and now that I think about it, it might not have been exactly the same thing, or I'm insane, or both. But this time the fish was more rare and made up for the radishlessness.
After, we left and wandered and emitted particles of sheer Epictude into the world, capturing images just epic enough and truly worthy of capturing... yeah, I'm glorifying the FiOri duo, but just you try and stop me.
We meandered to Vic High, met up with Spiffy, then meandered more to Fernwood and goofed about and then Fiona left and then Spiffy left and then I left... my sanity somewhere between the drycleaner's and the Seven-Eleven, went to Starbie's, got a delicious orange tea that had a wonderfully sweet aftertaste, waited for my mom next to a very nice man, to whom I regretted having not wished a pleasant night, walked home in the cold, dark hour of late 6'clock, convincing myself to not check out the bakery/cafe I'm interested in working in at that time because it was cold and unsunny and freezing and I was tired and it was a finger-numbing, hypothermia-inducing cold, I had to pee and it was a little chilly too. Brisk, you know? Strangely enough, I wasn't hungry to top it off.

That was my day today. I also wore makeup for the first time in a while.

Ori moment of the week:

"Hey look! Somebody has Sesame Street dolls in their window! It's Ert and Bernie!"
After a few seconds, I realized that I made a slight boo-boo in my speech but I couldn't quite figure out what the boo-boo was exactly 'til a few seconds later. Yeah.

I'm off to bed before I have another eech inspediment.


Monday, February 2, 2009

Double-check your worshipping.

Song of the Glob: A Man's World by James Brown.

Dear Globlets,

I've had some questions and statements brewing in my head and now that I'm sick in bed, it seems like a good time to write a devastatingly long and opinionated globulation! Yay for you.

From the start of the bible, my eyebrow raised on numerous occasions regarding the truthfulness of the bible's words.

For example, in Genesis, Chapter 3, a snake talks. A snake talks?! A snake talks. That's believable. Snakes talk all the time! Liiike... in Harry Potter! Yeah! But uhhh... that's a fictional book/movie. - Minus one more point for the bible. What if the snake talked to Adam first? It's likely that he too would have eaten the fruit... but this way makes more sense. Adam would have eaten all the fruit and not shared...! Bloody pig! Kidding. ish. How would he have been punished? Feel pain when he reached his climax during intercourse, and pleasure only during? What a different world it would be if that were the case. And why not try the fruit?

"Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."" So... because of one mistake, one act of curiosity, from hundreds of years ago, women have been undermined by man for centuries. Subjected to man's tyranny, abuse, violence, political idiocy, immoralities, and so on, for ages, why? Because of this. Because of this book. Because it is God's will? Is God not but a man, himself? Do we not refer to him as such? How do we know he's not a black woman? Well, she'd be smarter and would not have done this bible thing, so nevermind. But then again, man wrote the bible, not God. But maybe he's in the form of a platypus? You're worshipping a platypus!

Until the 19th century, women were not allowed to attend schools. (Universities, more-so, and in later 19th century at that.)
Well, who wants a smart woman? Women are to care for the children and the home and desire their husband and forever be under man's thumb, without the education, therefore without the right or ability, to question ways of life, to demand anything of man, to say no. - Slaves... politely, cunningly, religiously. "Because God said so." But is he not all-loving and merciful? Clearly not, if he punishes woman so. What is she? Just a play-thing for man? Tits and a hole? A cooking-cleaning machine? A child-bearing apparatus that you can do whatever, whenever, wherever, however, with?
But where would you be without us, boys? We bring life to the world. Shouldn't you be worshipping us?

But then, on an even more literal level, perhaps the reason women feel such pain during childbirth is not because a god told her to not eat the fruit from a tree and a snake told her that, "God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.", where she then proceeded to believe the snake and to eat the fruit, getting busted, along with Adam, by the g-man, and ultimately receiving punishment for her curiosity, forever and ever... but because of contractions and the fact that a fucking baby is being pushed out from her uterus, stretching and expanding everything so that the growing, little alien can finally, after 9 months, get the hell out of her body.

I don't think childbirth should be pleasant, though. Think about it: if it were, how many MORE people would there be on this planet? :/ Nature isn't an idiot.

But, what? God did that? I bet he did. Remind me not to thank him.