Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Mild Stupidities and Complaints, with in-depth Miracle Hwip Hating,

Song of the Glob: Money's Too Tight (to Mention) by Simply Red

Dear Globlets,

How shall we start? With some complaining, of course! Hwat better way, right? I'm stiff and sore and could use a massage as well as a shower because I walked a lot today and got all sweaty and gross and it's lovely and yes you absolutely needed to know that and I'm cold and I'm hot but I'm not hot and not cold because Katey Perry is weird and the wind coming from the window behind me is making me colder but I still feel hot so... I'll take a shower and put on some socks. Socks and showers fix everything. Except if you have foot fungus... then socks are of the ungood. And showers are ungood if it's in a yucky shower with mold and spiders. Wait, that's like OURS! But the mold isn't bad. It probably has to do something with the fact that it's been there for years before we moved in. We've cleaned most of it. And there have only been a couple of spiders so far. Little ones. But they're YUCKY no matter how small they are. They GROW! Damn it.
I probably smell too.
Dog damn, don't you just love me?

'This is the First Day of My Life' is a fantastic song. And 'The Bubble' was a really great movie. I want to see 'The Girl in the Cafe' again.

I got a call about a job today. Not: "I got a call today about a job," which is what I originally wrote. That's not right. I was reading somewhere... I think it was Harper's magazine... about how certain kinds of words go in a certain order and... yeah. That seems like a boo-boo to me.
Anyway... Woot! Job. It's a really nice place. I was with Fi today when my bro called me to tell me the bakery/cafe called and for the life of me I couldn't remember where the place was. I was thinking about it the whole time after I talked to my brother. I was really racking my brain! Fi was probably getting annoyed because every once in a while I'd space out, busy scrambling through all the names and locations of places I dropped my resumes off at. I went to LOTS of places, okay? I could go to more because there are a few I didn't go to downtown but this place could be promising. I'd also really, really like to work at this cupcakery that's moving to a downtown location. They'll be needing new staff soon. You can't be unhappy working with cupcakes, right? They're up there with unicorns and rainbows, man! But like I said, Kadalima's, which really is Kadalima's, not Cadalina's or Kadalina's, is a very nice place. Real pretty/fancy desserts and bakededness. I'm sure I'd get great experience there.

I called the guy back and because I have a reputation for leaving pathetic, confusing, stupid messages on answering machines, I wrote down what I would say once someone picked up the phone. I had it organized as such:
- If I get the answering machine
- If someone answers the phone and he's there
- If someone answers the phone and he's not there
- If he answers the phone (I left this one blank after the initial greeting)
I got the answering machine. Joy! So I wrote/said this: "Hi, this is Oriana Varas returning "D’s" call." Not bad, right? Well, it wouldn't be if the answering machine hadn't gone like, "Hi, you've reached D's phone..." Great! He'll think I'm an idiot. Who else would the message be for if I contacted D's direct line? I had to say it, though. Because that how I wrote it. :(
In short, it went like this:
"Hey, you've reached D..."
"Hi, this is me, trying to reach D..."

And now I am tired and want to go to sleep. I will go to bed soon. I think I'll take my shower, put my hair up in those tie-y thingies to make my hair curly, then go to bed. Also, my face exploded. It's lovely. And I want money to buy the amazing shoes I keep seeing. Donations are now being accepted.

Miracle Hwip sucks. It's the worst thing on the planet, second only to gonorrhoea. It's not mayonnaise. I really hope they don't claim to be that. You can't eat toasted blueberry bagels topped with smoked salmon and freakin' Miracle Hwip! It has to be REAL mayo. Preferably Kraft. I should start a Facebook group against Miracle Hwip, Pro-Kraft and real mayo.

Fi looked great today. Very hot outfit. Got pics of her so you can check them out soon, if you like.

I'm also in love with Franz Ferdinand. <3 I want more of his CDs. But I think "Franz Ferdinand" is about as stupid an album title as the fragrance, "Paris Hilton," by Paris Hilton. Almost. It's slightly less stupid.

I'd better go. I has to get up painfully early tomorrow to go with my mom to the mainland. The divorce procedures are finally moving along. 5th UNniversary this August.

Maybe I could nap in the shower. Two birds, one stone?



FionaMarie said...

I already told you it's not the same without the tangy zip of Mircle Whip, and no they do not say they are mayo, they are a subsitute, and it's healthier, plus also made by kraft lol.

Ori. said...

Oh. Lol. Shit. Well! It's definitely not the same, no. It's better without. :P And I'm glad they don't say they're mayo. Healthier because of less cholesterol because it's not made with eggs like real mayo? I'm 17, I don't need to worry about that yet. :P They have healthy mayo that's almost real... :/

Kali said...

Hwhip. Asshole.