Monday, May 11, 2009

I'm cutting down on my daily intake of bullshit.

Song of the Glob: Scummy by The Arctic Monkeys

Dear Globlets,

What is generosity?
To me it means giving something without expecting anything in return, without fuss, without making faces or sighing about it, without making the other person feel guilty about receiving something, without making it seem like the act is a burden. One should be aware and cautious of their own reactions towards others' generosity, always. One should be courteous. Generosity is not talking about how generous you are, can be or have been. Far from it.

I'm tired of talk. Talk is about as cheap as buying love.
I'd been fooled into thinking one thing was another thanks to talk. It was low and scummy and it came naturally from that person. One can profess love, one can profess to have changed and to plan on changing, to be forever seeking the truth and the ways to become a better person, and they can profess to want to make you happy... but that's all just talk. Unless you say the appropriate things, you had better act on those ideas. I heard some of these ideas and I believed them. I believed that that person was trying because they said they were. Months passed and little changed. Little was learned. But they would say they were trying to. I find it hard to believe. Asking about it afterwards or apologizing, especially for things they don't understand or without knowing what they did wrong, repeatedly, is far too little too late in my mind.

I'm tired of bullshit. From this experience I will take with me a low tolerance for it and a heightened awareness of it. I refuse to take it. I refuse to lower my expectations to ridiculous levels. I refuse to accept certain things easily. I refuse to forgive and forget more than what is reasonable. I believe in second chances, even third chances, but not 5th, 9th, or 24th chances. I am more aware of what I want now and, unfortunately for you boys, I've raised my expectations and standards even more. Just be my friend, otherwise... good luck, 'cause you'll need it if you want more.

I'm tired of money and its false importance. It's not always false, just in some circumstances it is. I hate money, I really do. I hate people with too much of it and I hate it when people don't have any of it. Please note: this is a vague statement and does not refer to all members of these two classes. I hate what it does to people. I hate it when it gets put first, above all things. I hate it when it is misused, which is often. It's such a shallow thing. Money is cheap too. It's what you use when you want to take the easy way out.

I don't ever want to be thought of as easy. If giving generously, with your 'generous heart' is your way of expressing love, care and affection, you can buy yourself a bimbo like they have on TV. I don't see generosity there. Gold-digger? Marry her for her beauty and she'll marry you for your money and you'll have children in the suburbs with a big house and a dog and she'll have an affair with the pool boy or your best friend/brother/neighbour or all of the above, and you'll have an affair with the secretary and your kids will know and be forever screwed up and when they're teens, the boy will be emo and do drugs and be anti-social, constantly listening to heavy death metal screamo shit and the girl will be a slutty cheerleader that always gets what she wants, and the parents will never understand them and then they'll feel like they've failed as parents which they have. (Dog bless stereotypes)
And you'll all go to church together.
Where you will hypocritically cling on to your beliefs because it feels good. It feels safe. It feels familiar. Because it's what you've been taught to believe since day one. Because the truth is too painful to bear. Because you're too scared of being wrong. Because you want to be special.
But who are you to claim that we are superior and have more rights than anything else?

And now it goes back to generosity. The day Christians cease to proclaim their generosity and charity of faith or in the name of their god or whatever it is they constantly say, without expecting a comfortable post-judgement place in the golden morgue that is their heaven where only they will be saved BECAUSE of all their good deeds... is the day a Christian understands generosity. Will you still be Christian if you're not doing something good for, or in the name of, your god, I wonder? I don't know the rules. (You've all got different ones anyway. It's amusing how Christians/Catholics can never keep their story straight even though their religion was born of the same book.)

Why be generous if you don't get anything out of it, right?! Oh, wait. Something about that statement is wrong...

Be good because it's good to be, not because god will like it or because you'll go to heaven. You selfish bastards.

Aw crap, it ended up in religion.

2 comments:

Displaynamehere said...

I sent you that song :P

I thought I told you to write about me this time... :(

Displaynamehere said...

Also,

"I am more aware of what I want now and, unfortunately for you boys, I've raised my expectations and standards even more. Just be my friend, otherwise... good luck, 'cause you'll need it if you want more."

Where can I buy some of that luck? There's this girl I really like that I want.