I don't need to justify anything. There are always two sides of a story.
So, now, look at me. I'm not caring what they think. And why should I if they don't even know the half of it? ... If they don't even care what the other half is. And even if they did... I'm happy, and he's happy, so, so hwhat?
I started talking to him last year. He wanted me but he couldn't have me because I was with someone else. I turned another boy down when the person I ended up with, SH, became my official BF as well. Actually, maybe it was two boys. They weren't wanting to really be with me-with me, though. Pants - with me.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with CT. I was pretty sure it was a bad idea. He lives in Langley, he's tall, and those are the only reasons I can think of anymore. Just pretend there are more. But as I got to know him and vice versa, and as we talked about our problems and learned about, and from, each other, the more I realized what an amazing guy he is. He sees things in a really great way and it feels like we click. We make each other happy without having to go out of our way. I realized this after I broke up with SH. I got closer to him. Not physically because Langley SUCKS. But I did go see him in Vancouver. I had a fantastic first day with him, which I wrote about here. (Burning eagles, sex on hobos and mattresses in alleys, straight lines, and pigeons that fly, need I say more?) The writings described barely half of the fantasticness of it.
I saw him again and we went to a lot of places. We went to Granville Island and got attacked by birds and he held me to keep me safe and shooed away the bird when it came back to get me again. My food had nothing to do with that, really. (Did I not write about this?!) We got a Limonata and I teased him with it at the park and I took pictures of him that I still have to upload. Fial. We sat on the grass in the park and did nothing.
I agreed to "see him." Like, "date him." Not be his girlfriend, officially.
He nagged me, and he nagged me to say "Yes, I'll be your woman," but I needed to feel "it" first.
Later that same day, we went to Pacific Centre. It was close to the end of the visit and we sat down on a bench. It's a strange place for a bench because everything in the vicinity was, and is, under construction. There was a hall that reminded me of those Windows 95 screensavers - a maze full of brick. You know which one. Chinese people kept coming near us because they were lost. But we sat on that bench anyway and got nervous and red-cheeked. Some more than others. He wanted to kiss me. I was afraid. He said some things and that made me want to, but I was still afraid. I kissed him on his cheek. Pussy. He asked if we could hold hands. We held hands. They got sweaty. We didn't care. We walked through and out of the mall holding hands and then it was time to leave. Hug.
I saw him again last weekend. We met at the skytrain and went back to the same bench. It was hard finding it, though not really hard to find. We just... missed it. Somebody seemed to know where he was going. Just like I seemed to know where the movie place was. (Seriously though, who put Chinatown so close to Tinseltown? I don't think Chinese people dress up their trees with tinsel in China, I think they dress them up with Ha Gow. As they should. And I'd just like to point out how much I love jokes that only one or two people will get) (Also, Mmmm, Ha Gow! >.< )
At the bench, it was like old times. The same guys were walking in and out of doors, but more Russians were getting lost this time.
He asked me again if I'd be his woman and I said yes. There were fightings over the 5 dollar bill too, I recall.
It took me forever because I was still afraid to, but I really wanted to do it, so I kissed him. I scared him because it was sudden and I took so long to decide that when I was ready it was like OHMYGODIT'SHAPPENINGNOW.
Me doing things first was the rule. I didn't before and it didn't work. I didn't want to be rushed into anything, I wanted it to feel right. It did. So I said yes. I kissed him first. I told him I love him first. And for the first time it feels like I mean it. It feels fuzzy. Like a kiwi.
Ver' nice kissings at the movies. Even though the second time we went, the woman next to us told us she thinks "We should get a hotel room."
Things feel good. Like they should. Like I thought they would. And so now I'll say it. I love him. :)
I'm forgetting stuff because I'm sleepy, I think. Oh well.
Will write about srsbsns later. That how you say it? Whatever. I know "noob" because I am one at everything. :)