Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Vagina Is Bleeding pt.1

(The title is explicit and unnecessary because I know you'll love me anyway and because I'm a sneaky-snake and I get away with things like that) (While losing friends... :P )

Dear Globlets,

I'm supposed to be, and I want to be, writing about what's been going through my head lately but all I keep thinking about is how it's not actually that bad, and it's not, but it's still bugging me. I'm even able to provide a solution to most of the issues. I still feel like I need to get it out, I guess.

One of the issues has to do with creativity. It's probably like writer's block but it applies to everything creative that I do. As it is, it's kind of hard for me to write this. The only thing I have going for me in the music department, for example, is really trying to learn Summer's Almost Gone by The Doors and that Mellow Yellow sounds pretty good now. I wrote something on the piano a while ago, but as usual, I hit a wall.
I play songs I know or songs I have known and it depresses me to think of how little I've learned, how few songs I know from start to finish well, in so much time. I know why, though. I try to learn them all, all at once. Off the top of my head there's: Imagine, Whiter Shade of Pale, Bohemian Rhapsody, Moonlight Sonata, Summer's Almost Gone, Waiting for the Sun, Nights in White Satin, Mellow Yellow, Stairway to Heaven, Everybody Knows, White Room, Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen), Let it Be, Hey Jude, and Yesterday. (And possibly more.) This doesn't count all the songs I know parts of like: Angie, Babe I'm Gonna Leave You, Rondo Alla Turca, He's a Pirate (yes, really), Somebody to Love (Queen), You're My Best Friend, Green Onions, and I just realized that I think I need to learn Aqualung soon. Yeah, great job. I'm probably forgetting some too.
(22 songs in all, I've listed, provided I counted correctly.)

And what happens when I don't play a song for a while? I get rusty and forget things and I get pissed off at the muscles in my fingers when they don't remember as well as they usually do. Then I get pissed off at myself for being a lousy musician and for not practising, but that I shouldn't be bothering at all because I'm a lousy musician to start with.
So, it's stupid. Really stupid.
No practice -> Practice -> FIAL -> Upset -> Realize you shouldn't play this now in the first place -> No practice -> Practice -> FIAL -> Upset -> Realize you shouldn't play this now in the first place -> No practice...

I guess what I'd need to do is just pick 2-3 songs I want to really learn until I can play them backwards, upside-down, while blindfolded. I was going to say, "I probably won't." But now that I've said what I'd need to do, I think I might. I hope I do. I don't know if I will. I want to. I think if I had some motivation I would for sure. But it's not like you can just pick up a 12-pack of Motivation from Costco.

Yay! Easy-decision-making Oris gets to make a decision!

PS. The only thing I never get a block with is photography... :/
PPPS. This isn't a letter, moron.

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