Friday, October 16, 2009

Exotic Eats Gone Wild!

Dear Globlets,

As you may or may not know, I am a fan of cephalopods. They're extremely intelligent, extremely cool, and extremely tasty. Just take a look at this National Geographic video of the sneaky-snake, shape/shade-shifting, camouflaging creatures of the sea.

Also, as you may or may not know, I am a fan of food. I'll eat almost any food, be it haggis (which I still have to try, but I've had and love pâté), liver, chicken hearts, turkey necks, sushi, tripe (cow stomach), raw oysters, and so on. But there are limits.
For example, I will not eat spiders or bugs unless I have to. I don't like creepycrawlies in my room or in my bed or on me, so why would I put them in my mouth unless my only other option would be to starve?

I don't understand why people think one thing is disgusting and another thing isn't. People make faces at liver and say it's repulsive when they're fine with having ground beef, which looks like brains raw, even though it's cut-up cow.
I don't think about baby cows (or calves) when I have veal or lambs frolicking in a field of buttercups and daisies when I order souvlaki. And who doesn't like lamb? It's a baby sheep. A cute, sweet, innocent baby sheep. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb; its fleece was white as snow. Every time she cooked that lamb, cooked it for, souvlaki, every time she ate the lamb it made her want some more.

So, "Chicken hearts, that's disgusting! It used to be a little chicken's beating heart!" Yeah, well this chicken leg used to be a chicken's LEG, on which it ran in circles in its tiny crate thing, this thigh used to be part of that chicken, this egg could have been a chicken, this wing used to be a practical joke from nature that made the chicken believe that it could fly... except it never could. We usually don't kill an animal for the heart or the liver specifically, but for the whole thing. If you don't eat the heart, it goes to waste. So why not eat them? They're SO delicious! And you know what? They'd probably do the same to us if they were given half the chance.
Just take a look at how much of a cow we eat:


Why does liver, neck, squid, octopus, raw fish and stomach sound so much worse than wing, thigh, leg, ribs, breast, and so on? Because some of it is more from the inside? Baby, it's all in your head.
We watched a show about some guy who went to Scotland and tried haggis and kept saying how even though it is SO DISGUSTING OH GOD EW HAGGIS GROSS ... it's actually pretty good! But he kept saying how he'd be learning about "THE DREADED HAGGIS!" Please, grow a pair and spread some on a scone already.

People just make non-typical foods sound worse than they are. Don't think about what it is when you eat it if you need to. I still don't get that though. I can think about tripe being cow stomach as I'm eating it without a problem. It's delicious! I'm literally salivating just thinking about it and Mom, we need to get the orange kind next time because I have a craving.

However, like I said, there are boundaries.

I, however much I dig cephalopods, find squid and octopus to be very, very yummiful. (I'm really hungry now, by the way.) But today, when I went on youtube to find a song, I saw a highlighted video titled, "The Ultimate Raw Fish" and there was an image I could not make out. So, out of curiosity, I clicked it. At first I was like, "YEAH, COOL! Squiggly squiggly! Look at it go! They're not disgusting. Asshole." But then I realized what they were doing.
This is the video, and note I could not bear to watch it all:

God damn those Koreans. DAMN THEM!!!!!!! *shakes fist*
I think it's horrible. I think it's more mean than it is disgusting. There's a reason we cook frogs the way we do. Put 'em in a pot of water and heat it so they die without noticing because they're not aware of the temperature change. It's about as humane as it gets. But wrapping an octopus around your chopsticks and eating it alive... that's exotic food going too far.

I just realized that if I say I'll never eat anything alive, I'd be a hypocrite because I love raw oysters. But still, it's different. They're MOLLUSCS. And they're lower on the food chain. It's different from eating an octopus like that because an oyster doesn't try to run away while you're stretching its tentacles around a pair of chopsticks and probably hurting them and it's like AH SHIT! and tries to not die in your mouth, struggling to survive, wriggling, extending its tentacles and pulling itself out using its suctionycup things and tries so hard to break free between each crashing, chomping motion your teeth deliver as they penetrate the poor, trapped octopus. People have died from trying to eat octopus raw.

In conclusion, I'll eat almost anything as long as it tastes good and is not alive and wriggling and has the capability to creepycrawl and/or KILL ME. (I suppose ground beef could kill you too but that's not the point! The cow itself will not kill you, the preparation could.)

Lunch time!


Tentacleslol said...

I almost cried when I saw the video.


Ori. said...

Me too

Tentacleslol said...


How would they like it if octopuses eated small children alive???

Mommet said...

I won't watch the video ... period. BUT ... BUT! This has got to be your best blog yet. People at work were looking at me funny because I was laughing so hard. Thank you :D

Ori. said...

Lol :D Glad you liked it.