Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

[I thought this displeased Lucy nicely complements the displeasure I speak of in this globulation.]

Dear Globlets,

Getting globulation overload yet?

It seems like every time a little clarity comes my way, a wave of uncertainty follows. It might be for the sake of balance, because you should never be too certain about anything. You should always have a decent amount of doubt and a little bit of certainty.
Wait, that's not balanced.
What I mean is I feel like I'm constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. Sure, at least I'm moving forward to some degree, but why can't the degree be greater? You're probably expecting an example or two, but I don't know if I can give you any. I apologize for being vague.

For the most part, I'm referring to school. I'm not even certain if that's all I'm referring to.
Man, I need a hug.

Maybe I can give you this:

Several weeks ago I looked at the Camosun College website and it said that I could get into the Creative Writing program with EN11 or EN12. I have EN11. Now it says I need EN12 or to take the English assessment test. This was a very tiny step back, but it's the best I can provide at this time. It even has a solution! Since I refuse to work with FVDistanceEdSchool (see previous post for more details) and the sample test looks doable, I think I can do the assessment test. They have a test-taking session every month, so I think that even if I fail, I could take it again. I don't think I'd fail.

I've hated discussing school matters for years, for more reasons than I'd like to bother you with in this post. I cannot tell you why I don't have EN12. Technically I could, but it wouldn't make any sense to you OR to me and I would need to do a hefty amount of research on my past whereabouts and activity. I have a hard time remembering what I did two days ago or even what I said two minutes ago, never mind what I have been doing for the last few years. I can tell you that I'm embarrassed by it, though. - The amount of time unaccounted for. I can tell you that I've had countless encounters with people who have asked me about school, encounters that have made me wide-eyed and tongue-tied. I can tell you that many times I've experienced weird feelings in my gut when people looked at me, even if they were just looking at me and not necessarily with judgement, because I felt like I was a disappointment to them. It felt like their expectations of me were dropping right before my eyes, inside their eyes, and that has made my eyes water and my chest feel heavy too many times.

That was a while ago. Since then, I've been doing better. I'm still taking those two steps forward, one step back, but I've been advancing noticeably and it's feeling good. Maybe my steps are bigger, even though I'm clearly not growing! *Five feet forever.*
Then, as you already know,
Along came a sign-y
That sat down beside me
And showed me that I'd be okay.
(Who the fuck eats curds and whey, anyway? Seriously...)
The sign was a paragraph on the Camosun website stating what requirements you need to register for certain courses.

However, an "external idea" penetrated my thoughts today and I am back to a state of semi-confusion. Nevertheless, I have decided that tomorrow will be a day for asking questions. Correction: it will be a day for seeking answers. Double-correction: it will be a day for finding answers to most, if not all my questions regarding my academic plans. That's why one of the lead characters for Tomorrow is an ACADEMIC ADVISOR. Hopefully they will do more advising than acting.

Pshh! Actors...

Why do I so frequently get the feeling that only one, maybe two people besides me could ever even dream of understand my blabberings on here? Sometimes I wonder if even they'll get it. I guess that's why the readers have their own special name, eh? Globlets. It's also why the blabberings have their own special name.
"Globulations. If saying it doesn't always make you think of vomit, you might be able to enjoy it!" *ding!*

You should help me come up with a tagline!

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