Sunday, March 14, 2010

What's my age again?

Song of the Glob: What's My Age Again by Blink 182

Dear Globlets,

I am 18. Did you know? And 18 is the number before 19 but after 12. According to my former imbecile landlord, not only am I "Adriana," a hybrid of myself and my brother, but also "16 going on 24." Maybe in the world of real estate people don't age; I was 15/16 when I met him. Maybe he looked at my school credentials. FVDES considers me a student of grade 10 because I never technically graduated from it or from any grade after the sixth for that matter. It amuses me that they’ve never bothered to ask why I've been in grade 10 for so many years. It amuses me when strangers call me “lady,” and when hostesses ask how many kid’s menus we need between me and my brother, and when I get offered wine or other alcoholic beverages without question, and when I get charged $11.99 (which is the price for kids under 13) at Silvercity theatres when seeing a movie in 3D. So, obviously, 18 is the number between 12 and 19.

I probably could have been upset from having the girl at the theatre think I was under 13 if I weren’t so frugal. (In other words: a Jew!) As long as I’m saving money, I’m a happy camper. The fact that I was seeing Alice in Wonderland among tons of youngsters, as well as my almost-as-tall-as-me-but-four-years-younger brother, probably lead her to believe what she believed. The OTHER fact that I was wearing high-heel boots, boot-cut dark-wash jeans, my fabulous, red, form-fitted jacket, bling, makeup, and quite possibly a push-up bra (not that you could see it, but the girls were... happy) seems completely irrelevant. However, like I said in this globulation, it is probably ignorant of me to think that those kinds of things would make a difference in how people perceive me. Even so, I cannot imagine very many 12 year-olds with boobs like mine. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.

Sometimes this age thing gets to me. I try not to let it, but it happens. I want to be taken seriously. I don’t want to be constantly reminded that I might not be. It’s because I’m cute, it’s because I’m short, it’s because I... that’s all I got, but I guess that’s enough. It gets frustrating sometimes. I could be taken more seriously if I were just short, I guess. I don’t really think I’m cute, but small things do have a tendency to be cute. Puppies, for example, are extremely cute - in case you didn't know. I rarely feel short, though. Even when I’m with my very tall man I don’t feel like he’s that tall. I know he is, but it’s not noticeable to me. It is if I look at us side-by-side in the mirror, of course, but not when I look at him and not when I’m around certain other people.

The same day that I was granted access in the theatre as a child for $11.99 (which is still way too much for a god damn movie), I’d gone to the library and was denied the privilege of renting Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Heartbreaking as it was, my mom took it out on her card.
I am 18 and a half. In 6 months I will be 19. Just the other day I was 12. I have the benefit of doing more than I could a year ago, but I’m still restricted.

I wish minors were restricted from Lady Gaga videos too. Her name should be "Lady Gag..." for several reasons, all of which you could determine on your own by watching her bizarre and exceedingly sexually explicit music videos. She gives new meaning to the term "barely legal," and not in the age sense. I just didn't want to say that she is probably incapable of gagging thanks to years of practice, and watching her nearly grotesque videos makes me want to gag, because I would sound like a bitch if I did. Oh. Oops.
Need more? Click. See minute 2:20-2:25.
And it's really great that young girls see this. I can't get over that... It bugs me so much.

On an unrelated note, I don’t think it’s worth three extra dollars to see a movie in 3D. I don’t think you get that much more out of it. We had to watch movies in black and white, remember? Well, maybe not “WE.” *wink*