Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Yellow polka-dot bikini-wearing god to save our sorry asses.

Dear Globlets,

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart has once again inspired me to share something with you.
The episode that inspired me was aired on June 16th, 2010. In case you are unaware of the itty-bitty, teensie-weensie, yellow polka-dot oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, well, there's a very minor, tiny oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico! It's only endangering the lives of everything it comes in contact with.

Last week, President Obama suggested that we do something, that we take action! That we don't just sit around in a room praying for the big SkyDaddy to swoop down with a giant sieve that would magically separate the oil from the water...! Oh wait, that's exactly what he did.

After hearing his speech on what he plans to do and what he suggests the rest of us do in the face of a puny, pipsqueak of an oil spill, I remembered what Digital Cuttlefish brilliantly wrote in a recent blog post:

"Give God A Mop

Omniscient God must need a nudge
To see the oil, the tar, the sludge—
Or Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Don’t give a damn about the coast.

State senators proclaim this day
A time to join our hands and pray
Since “nothing works”, that’s what we’ll try—
We’ll all do nothing, you and I.

We’ll act as if the problem’s solved
By simply getting God involved,
And feel as if we played a part
By doing squat, with all our heart.

And as for those whose faith is weak,
Who clean the beaches, while we speak
With God? We know, and time will tell,
That God will send them straight to hell

So drop your shovels, drop your bags,
Your pelicans and soapy rags—
Acknowledge God is in control
And save the beach… and save your soul!


Know that God does not exist;
Won’t help us if His Ass gets kissed
So leave the senators to shirk,
Roll up your sleeves, and get to work."

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