Sunday, December 26, 2010
Playing with Fire on Bridges.
Last week was the weirdest week. In a matter of days, I lost one friend over something completely ridiculous (although I predict the sentiment goes deeper than what surfaced late Monday night), I decided to stop giving another friend chances she doesn't deserve (or want, it seems), and I received contact from a former friend, a friend from what seems like many years ago. Certainly more than two.
Receiving the letter from her was quite surreal and unexpected. My grandfather opened the door and she handed him the letter. He told me to come to the door but I was in my pyjamas and I had a bird's nest of a hairdo; nobody close enough to me around whom I would feel comfortable looking like that would be at our door, so I didn't dare go to it. I got closer, saw nothing, my grandpa looked at me and said he thought he knew who that had been. He called her name softly. He closed the door and handed me the letter. I recognized the handwriting on the envelope. "For Oriana."
"Yep, that was her."
I didn't know what to think when I opened the envelope. I didn't know what to think when I read bits of the letter. I didn't know what to think when I read it more thoroughly. I have a better idea of what to do now, though - I'm going to respond.
I thought I had burned that bridge, and I had been sad to do so. But I was angry. A couple of months ago I reread the "letter" I wrote about her. I was ashamed to have spoken about/to her like that. I felt what I felt, but I'm ashamed of the way I did it. I didn't know what to do about it then. But that's the past. I've been afraid to contact her, and I never thought she would contact me again, but she did.
The memories confuse me. It won't be like it was before... ever. Too much has happened.
But, as she often used to say, "Que sera, sera."
PS. There's a song that has a bit of Doris Day's "Que Sera, Sera" in it and for the life of me I can't figure out where I've heard it or where to find it. Comment if you know,pls?
PPS. Found it.