Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Restless Ass Syndrome.

Dear Globlets,

I just decided that when I'm a more successful writer, I will have a giant wood desk and a giant comfy chair that will perform butt exercises on me as I sit in it. It's not as kinky as it sounds, I swear. They have those rather expensive shoes that help tone your legs and buttocks when you walk, why don't they have chairs that help tone your ass when you sit? That might cause a lot of people to have really fit bottoms and chubby tops, which would look pretty weird, but that's a small price to pay for buns of steel.

This came to mind when I was sitting on my ass (something I, unfortunately, do a lot of these days), staring outside, wishing it was summer so I could go outside and throw the ball around with my brother. (Like right now.) Sure, I could go to the gym, but the gym is half an hour away and I would have to go out into the cold to get there. I also don't want to go alone, and by the time my mom gets out of work, it's dark. Going to the gym in the cold and dark and then coming home in the even colder and darker is not that appealing.

I'm going to try and get my sit-up routine running again. We have weights too... somewhere, but our house is cold as well. It's my legs that I have the biggest problem with anyway. Damn. Now I'm feeling all motivated to be unlazy and pick my mom up from work and do sit-ups in the living room. But being lazy is so much warmer. This is hibernation time. Somebody bring me my nap!

The problem is, work is on the computer or telephone; writing is on the computer, and even if it wasn't, I'd probably sit for it; studying requires sitting; they have chairs behind desks in the classroom at school - I have little choice but to sit. Almost everything I do requires my ass to be planted in my chair, and now that it's winter, now that being cooped up inside is more pleasant than being outside, I'm getting a little restless. It's a similar restlessness to that when my room is a mess. I can't stand it when it is. It's like an itch that I have to scratch, and I have, in the past, feared that my head would blow up if I did not put my things away.
Hopefully Christmas shopping will cause some decent physical exertion...

I'm seriously considering going out to pick up my mom from work, but I'm afraid of the cold and the watery eyes and runny nose the wind inflicts upon me. I'm inside and I'm cold, how could outside be better? But, by Lucy, I love my mommy. Ugh.

I hope you enjoyed my deliberation process as much as I did. I did it while sitting, shivering and flexing my buttock muscles repeatedly.

One - two - three - four - five - and squeezehold! - two - three - four - five - and let go.
One - two - three - four - five - and squeezehold! ...

You might not think I'm serious, but ten years from now, I bet I'll look back on this moment while my ass exercises in my big comfy chair, and I'll laugh, and you'll think, with your saggy-bottomed jeans and boots with the fur (with the fur!), about that strange girl who suggested ass-exercise-chairs and how you should have believed her, because, ha! ...I'll be flexing my ass muscles in a country where the climate is warm and boots with fur are a thing of the cold.

Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to find my gloves and nose-warmer.

3 comments:

Ori. said...

I realized that, along with the actual writing of this, my going to pick up my mom could really be a form of procrastination from studying.

Something tells me I'll never win.

Tentacleslol said...

Do what I do. Run five miles every morning. It's cold, and it sucks, but you get used to it and you feel excellent after.

Ori. said...

What about the whole being cold and alone bit? What about my being unable to get to school early even though class starts at 11:30, even though I'm up by 8?

There is no way in hell I will ever run in the morning in the cold alone. Besides, I don't have the right bra for that. :P

I have seriously thought about it, though. I do enjoy running, but where would I run to? It just seems boring. And something tells me my headphones wouldn't stay on. I'd rather run in place for an hour inside than outside in the cold morning.

What I'd really like to do is take dance lessons, but, as I've already told you, that probably won't happen. So, I will bitch about it and hope that we move somewhere closer to a gym... until Spring. *thumbsup*

Also, I picked up my mom and couldn't feel my face when we got home. Blessed Winter, how I love thee.