Tuesday, January 11, 2011

O on the Big O, Part Two: When does sex end?

Dear Globlets,

This globulation contains mature subject matter, and comments on sex from someone whom you may prefer to not think of as being sexually active. Reader discretion is advised.

No, seriously. I'm going to talk about sex. And about me. Like, together. At the same time.

Before we answer the question, "When does sex end?" we ought to look at how sex began/begins. We know that sex was mostly used for procreation in earlier years, but what about now? It's the 21st century, and sex is all over the media, you hear about it all the time, information on it and footage of it is highly accessible and, frankly, everyone is doing it. Sex is popular, and most of us know that it can be really enjoyable - when done correctly. A lot of us, too, know that it can be really rather terrible when it is done incorrectly. Perhaps skill is directly related to the amount of practice you get, but this is not always the case. I believe that ignorance plays a large part in the bedrooms of bad sex.

I went for a drink with Sh a while ago; we talked a lot with a very friendly bartender, and the topic of bad sex came up. She told us that one time, a 30 year-old guy came in to the bar and told her of an epiphany he'd had: women can enjoy sex too (or something along those lines - she was a very generous bartender). So, for roughly seventeen years, he was under the impression that sex was a one-way street. He thought that sex ended when he came. As it turns out, women can have orgasms too. Multiple, in fact.

It probably helps to know what sex is before you go into it. It's more than guys "going into it." I mean, it could be just that: get naked (optional, more or less), spread legs, insert, orgasm, remove (or "remove, orgasm"). But that's usually bad sex, one-way street sex. There is one thing that seems to be forgotten when sex occurs, which I think is strange since most people know about it...: foreplay. Foreplay. Say it with me now... FOREPLAY. Why does foreplay so often get forgotten? It may not be necessary to officially have sex, but it sure is nice. It's a courtesy thing, and it's really beneficial for both participants, even if you've been together for a long time. In fact, over time, it probably becomes more necessary to keep things exciting.

But maybe it's just me. Maybe I only wish there had been more foreplay in my sexual experiences because I'm really an unattractive troll and the idea of touching my body is completely revolting to most members of the opposite sex and I, therefore, was not fortunate enough to partake in foreplay, and, consequently, my experiences cannot be used as examples because they are misrepresentations of how sex normally is, because most normal people aren't quite so disgusting. Hmm. Something tells me this isn't the case. But perhaps I should have said I wanted more. But perhaps I feel like I shouldn't have to explain that when a guy sticks it in, moves it back and forth, maybe kisses me on the lips, that really isn't enough to give me an orgasm. The thing is, I'm not going to tell someone what I like if I don't think he's interested in knowing what I've got to say. The male needs to show an interest in the female's pleasure if he wants her to tell him what feels good.

What feels good? How can sex be started better? Oral sex is good, but it seems to me that fellatio is more common than cunnilingus, and I think they should receive equal attention. I don't see why one should be more acceptable or more widely performed than the other since they're basically the same thing, just done on the other person. Another way to stimulate your female partner is to use your hands. If you're a guy, and right now you stop scratching your head in confusion and lower your arm, at the end of it you'll find what is called a "hand." Attached to your hand should be five fingers. These fingers can be applied to your female partner's body in many different ways, most of which could bring her pleasure.

Most guys probably know that, but I know some who don't (or they do but fail to act on this knowledge), and at this point, when there is so much information on the topic, there really is no good excuse. Even if you don't know what you're doing in the sack, and it's okay if you don't, all it takes is a bit of consideration. Ask: What would make her feel good? Experiment. Ask her to show you. Pay attention to what she does and says. Figure out how she works. Look it up on the internet (this does NOT mean watch porn). I just looked up "bad sex" on the internet and found this page, which seems useful: Break Bad Sex Habits. It's kind of a weird site, but from what I've read, the tips are useful and backed up by studies, and for the most part I agree with them.

If the male reaches an orgasm before the female, is it good enough that he may have tried a little harder here and there? Is it good enough that he apologizes for not making her cum? I don't think so. Sometimes it's okay, sure, but is it really too much to ask for further application of the man's hands/fingers even if the man will not necessarily be the one receiving physical pleasure or satisfaction?

When it comes to heterosexual sex, a lot of people think that sex ends when the man has an orgasm. In most cases, it is easier for men to reach an orgasm than it is for women to... during intercourse. If things other than just penetration are done before or during intercourse, this may not apply. Plus, if the man has an orgasm first, this does not mean that he should just give up and go to sleep. Guys have hands, don't they? And mouths - at least one, typically. And unless we're talking about necrophiliacs, she's probably still alive and willing, assuming she was willing in the first place.

So, if you have a hard time having sex for longer periods of time, if you're sometimes a "premie," that's okay - as long as you remember that your partner is still next to you, still breathing (hopefully), and probably still ready to be satisfied sexually. Even if you've already mastered the longer-than-five-minutes sex session, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Your lady-friends will thank you for it.

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