I like this:
Don't have kids. They'll ruin your life. Sure, they're super-duper cute sometimes, but so are puppies. Get a kitteh if you need something cute and exciting in your life. Get a puppy if you want to spend a lot of money feeding something that will make a mess of the food and then not be very grateful; they're just like children. For instance, a dog will eat its own poop, as if to say, "Thanks for the $200 bag of dog chow! Now, if you excuse me, I believe I left a delicious hot steaming pile of excrement in the yard." Not that a child will eat its own poop, but it will probably fling its food across the room, showing how much it cares about the expensive food you got it. And remember, pets don't usually go through the stereotypical teenager phase that children are likely to eventually go through. Plus, humans last 80+ years on average. Do you really want to commit to that? I don't think so.
Don't have kids, Globlets, have pets.