Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Old haus, nu home.

Dear Globlets,

Do you see? Tall people suffer as well...

This is why this place has been dead over the last while:

Sunday was the last day we were in the old house. My mom and I felt nothing towards leaving - we didn't regret living there, but we don't miss it either. We were indifferent towards it. We worked our butts off cleaning the place, leaving some things cleaner than when we found them (cupboards, the fridge, probably the floors), but we didn't wash the walls as well as we could have. We got to a point where it was like, "Fuck it - they didn't clean when we moved in here, they didn't clean when we moved into our nu haus, and we've left it pretty clean. So, good enough. Let's bounce."
And we did. We bounced to our nu haus, changed into normal clothes, and then bounced to the Fernwood Inn where we had dinner and drinks to celebrate our final day living in a house built in 1906. We said goodbye to ladybug invasions, wasps, windows that don't close or open properly, a shit kitchen, a dungeon where we had to pay $1.25 to do laundry, and the inability to boil water and make toast at the same time without blowing the fuse.

We said goodbye to our old haus and hello to our nu home.

And maybe in a couple of weeks our nu home will even look like a home - right now it looks like we've been practising what it's like to live somewhere post-natural disaster.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

End of Ze World - For All?

Dear Globlets,

I'm not sure right at this moment if the end of the world includes the animal kingdom, but if it does...



I'll double check later.

From Wiki:
Some notable rapture predictions include the following:

1844 - William Miller predicted Christ would return between March 21, 1843 and March 21, 1844, then revised his prediction, claiming to have miscalculated Scripture, to October 22, 1844. The realization that the predictions were incorrect resulted in a Great Disappointment. Miller's theology gave rise to the Advent movement. The Baha'is believe that Christ did return as Miller predicted in 1844, with the advent of The Báb, and numerous Miller-like prophetic predictions from many religions are given in William Sears book, Thief in The Night.[57]
1914[58], 1918[59], 1925[60], 1942[61] - Dates set for the end by the Jehovah's Witnesses
1981 - Chuck Smith predicted that Jesus would probably return by 1981.[62]
1988 - Publication of 88 Reasons why the Rapture is in 1988, by Edgar C. Whisenant.
1989 - Publication of The final shout: Rapture report 1989, by Edgar Whisenant. More predictions by this author appeared for 1992, 1995, and other years.
1992 - Korean group "Mission for the Coming Days" predicted October 28, 1992 as the date for the rapture.[63]
1993 - Seven years before the year 2000. The rapture would have to start to allow for seven years of the Tribulation before the Return in 2000. Multiple predictions.
1994 - Pastor John Hinkle of Christ Church in Los Angeles predicted June 9, 1994. Radio evangelist Harold Camping predicted September 6, 1994.[64]
2011 - Harold Camping's revised prediction has May 21, 2011 as the date of the rapture.[65][66]
2060 - Sir Isaac Newton proposed, based upon his calculations using figures from the book of Daniel, that the Apocalypse could happen no earlier than 2060.[67][68]

Aaaand let's end this (perhaps final) post with a flashback to the 80s:

I hope Jesus is black and comes down wearing a white suit and top hat.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fountain of Youth.

Dear Globlets,

When we got the keys to the nu haus on Friday, we went over to see it. The daughter of the former owner was packing up some last minute things in her car when we got there, and she seemed pretty friendly. We spoke with her for a few minutes. She couldn’t have been much older than me – maybe 20, probably not over 23.
Then she asked me, “Do you go to Vic High?” because it’s nearby.
Without really thinking about how it would sound, I simply answered, “No.” I didn’t explain that I’d been 19 for the last eight months and that I was attending university. I just said, “No.” A moment later, I noticed how short I had sounded and added, “But my brother does.” I also backed up the lovely first impression I was giving her by saying how much I admired her Mini Cooper. Phew. Wouldn’t want to sound like a bitch to a total stranger I’ll never see again who thought I was a high school kid.

We're having some flooring put in right now, and the flooring installers are very nice: Janus and Janek. The house was full of Polish people on Monday – my grandpa was there, these two very Polish men, and while my mom doesn’t identify as Polish, I’m going to count her in this one to make the numbers look better. The Jans, too, sparked friendly conversation. Very quickly the question of my age arose once again.
“How old are you?” Janek asked. I smiled, knowing perfectly well that my answer would not be one he’d expect.
“19,” I replied.
“19!” he exclaimed. “Wow! I thought you were like 14 or 15 or something!”
“Nope,” I said calmly.
“Well, that’s good! That’s good that you look younger, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” was all I said.

Maybe when I’m 40 and I look 30 I’ll be happy, but right now it’s just annoying.

It really is. While it is something I’ve come to expect, just like I expect certain friends of mine to make remarks about my height, it can still be annoying. Sometimes the height thing is okay, but if I, for example, declare on Facebook that I got my Learner’s Licence, the response should be supportive and congratulatory, and not, “Are you sure you’ll be able to reach the pedals?” Because now I’ve installed an eject button in the passenger seat. I’ve programmed it to let me do it twice, so that if I “forget” to open the sun roof the first time, the passenger can be ejected on the second try.

No, I don’t forget shit like that.

You might say, "Don't mess with short people. They'll bite you in the ass eventually. Maybe even literally." Except you just shouldn't say mean things to your friends when they need to hear something other than a reminder that they're shorter than the average North American woman.

I've been practising my comebacks:
"You're short."
"What?! I AM?! Why has no one informed me?"

Maybe when you're 50 I'll make fun of your wrinkles while I look like I'm 40, because that's basically the same thing. Except I won't. It's this funny little being-the-better-person thing I've learned over the years. Perhaps being reminded about my youthful appearance and height every day of my life has helped with this learning experience.

I know that there is no way for people to tell how old I am. They go by what they see in other 19+ year-olds, and height has a lot to do with it. I can’t blame people for that. I shouldn’t take this out on those who simply don’t know, so just telling people how old I really am and smiling as they have their minds blown is about as much as I can and will do. I look forward to being asked how old I am when I’m 20. I’m sure I’ll be one of the few adults who still get asked their age.

“You’re like 15 or 16, right?”
“20, actually.”


“You’re still in high school, right?”
“Actually, I’m doing my Masters at UVic right now.” So what if I’m not? Fuck ‘em.

Speaking of youth, I'm really glad this is coming out before Rapture:

I'll get to see it before I spend eternity burning within the fiery walls of hell, and that's all that really matters. See you there.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Blogger/Everything is horrible when you're packing.

Dear Globlets,

Blogger is back! Yes!

This is what I've been doing since it's been down:

Blogger has decided to decrease the frame size of posts, so now videos don't fit without size customization and Reactions don't at all. Yes!

This is a post I made while Blogger was down:

Dear Globlets,

Blogger is down right now, and it is terrible. It reminds me of that day not too long ago when Facebook was down. I think I spent ten minutes straight hitting the refresh button, and Blogger being down is nothing compared to that day. It was down for several hours. I was losing my mind. But it's not like I'm addicted to Facebook or anything, so it's okay.

In other news:
We're getting possession of the house tomorrow and ... the books are packed. Just the books. There are a couple of awkward ones left over. They're all different sizes and are hard to pack. Everything is horrible when you're packing. I've found myself saying this as I've tried to make books fit in boxes that are just under a centimetre too small: "Everything is horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible." At least I have the right attitude.

Packing is horrible. There's so much I feel like I could do, but how to make it all fit seems impossible; so, I'll put a few same-sized books in one box and then some others in another (because the sizes of each group of books is too different), and then I'll look around at the pile of utterly unpackable items, go on Facebook/Blogger, and write about my inability to pack effectively because nothing fits and everything is horrible. Talk about perseverance.

I know that once my mom and brother are home, I can get them to bring their papers and binders so I can put them together with mine. And then we'll get the bins from the storage in the basement so we can pack up the breakables.
"But Ori, why don't you go get the bins and start packing the breakables yourself?"
Clearly, you have not seen my basement. There are spiders. And it is dark, so by the time you notice there's a spider next to you, it might be too late. I need to go down there with backup. I need to go there with my ass-kicking, zombie-killing brother. That way, if a spider appears, his high-pitched scream could precede my own and I'd have a split second longer to flip shit and run. The only downside to this is that we're likely to trip over each other as we flee... but I'M NOT GOING IN THERE ALONE.

Besides, this chair isn't going to sit in itself.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Nu Haus: Tralalala!

Dear Globlets,

I haven't written for a while and that bothers me. Lately I've been editing pictures of a young model I recently had a photo shoot with, and I've also been packing.

What? Didn't I tell you?

We're moving. The three of us, plus Lucy.
"But you're 19! Shouldn't you be moving out on your own yet?!" Well, if going to school full time and working part time was not a ticket to Debt Central, I'd move out. If I can stay at home, go to school, and work for a while longer, I'll be able to save up a bit more for school. If I didn't get along with my family, this would be a different story, but I do. And other than the people who think I should be doing something different at this point in my life, nothing says this is a bad idea.

You should have seen us yesterday. We were all snuggled together helping Mom use a program online to lay out our furniture within the correct dimensions of our new house. We get along. People might think we're strange, and I probably wouldn't argue with that, but whatever it is that we're doing works. We're like the perfect unrealistic family everyone hates because they're too busy being asshole teenagers or struggling with asshole teenager kids. Not being asshole teenagers came pretty naturally to us, I think.

(I just killed a spider.)

I would have liked to post pictures of our new house here, but I must have been drunk and/or high as few of the pictures are any good; plus, I forgot to take any pictures of my room. Like I said... drunk/high. We get possession on the 13th, so I might take some more pictures of the new house's nakedness and then provide before-and-afters in the future. We're going to make the house really awesome, really ours. I'm excited.

It's a new house (2005), it's semi-detached, and it's five minutes away from the centre of a fantastic neighbourhood that has a coffee shop, restaurant/pub, theatre, art gallery, and some other little shops. We can see Adrian's school from the property. The electrical system allows us to boil water, toast bread, and microwave leftovers all at the same time. It will be a beautiful thing. The kitchen is ultra-functional and is open to the dining and living rooms. We'll have three bathrooms, and they're all nice, and I fully expect that when we get there, the three of us will all pee at the same time in our separate bathrooms... JUST BECAUSE WE CAN.

Look. When you have to call the bathroom if you want to use it, hopefully beating everyone else to it, or when you have to form a bathroom queue in your own house, you don't take multiple bathrooms for granted, okay?

I wish it was Friday already. I just want to be able to go there and say, "Tralalala! Nu haus is ours, nu haus is ours! Tralalala! Three potties! Tralalala! Functional kitchen!" We'll also have a deck and garden. It's going to be pretty sweet.

Oh! Did I mention we'll have three bathrooms? Excitement.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I like this 64: Proof

Dear Globlets,

I like this:
"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof." - Ashley Montague

Science has never claimed to know it all, or that whatever it knows is unchangeable. Science is dynamic, as it constantly gathers new information to fit into the puzzle. Hypotheses are always being tested again and again to make sure that the results are correct and consistent before they can be called theories. Creationists, on the other hand, say they know how the earth came to be, denying the scientific evidence that proves otherwise, that has been tested and peer-reviewed and published many times.

"MY book says it's so, therefore it's true." That's not good enough. Maybe a few thousand years ago it was, but not anymore.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I like this 63: Progress

Dear Globlets,

I've got my quotes back on. I lost them for a while, but now the "I Like This" can come back.

I like this:
"The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race." - Don Marquis

Except I don't actually like it.