Thursday, August 25, 2011

"Urine, your table is ready!"

Dear Globlets,

Yesterday I tried on a pair of $30 shoes that I love but wasn't sure if I should purchase because I don't actually need them (yesIdoyesIdoyesIdo). I decided to think about it and put them on hold (because with my luck, a group of small-footed Asians would come in and buy the two size fives they had). I took the box of shoes to the counter and told the girl what name to put down.
"Oriana. O-r-i-a-n-a."
She writes: ORI
"A-n-a," I say.
ORINA. "Like this?"
"No, a-n-a."
She scratches out ORINA and writes... "O-R-I-*hesitation*-N-A. "Okay, they'll be here waiting for you."

This is why when I go to restaurants with people I usually give someone else's name to the host(ess). "Kim" is a million times easier than "Oriana" and "Ori." "Ori" is usually "Cory," and Oriana is usually, "Can you spell that? ORINA?"

The best part is orina means urine in Spanish.

THANKS. NOW I REALLY WANT TO BUY THOSE SHOES.

"Urine, your table is ready!"

Last night I thought about it and decided that if the girl grabs the box of shoes along with the piece of paper insulting my name, I'm going to ask to see the paper and write an A after the I. Maybe only if it's the same girl. She probably has her Dogwood diploma.


They had really bad service there. I wore those shoes for something like ten minutes and walked around the store, and no one even made eye contact with me. There was a girl who worked there right next to me, doing some tasks... Ignoring customers is simply unacceptable in the store I work at. It just isn't done.

Next time, if I remember and am in the mood to screw with people...
"Can I take your name, please?"
"Beavis. Table for two."

"Under what name?"
"Aphrodite."
"A-f-r-o...d-y-t-e-e."

"Table for three. Can I get your name?"
"Pocahontas."
"Poca... okay. How many kids menus?"
Adrian and I together: "ZERO."
Kids menus are typically for children 12 and under. I'm turning 20 next month and Adrian, who is significantly taller than me, will be 16 in October, and as far as I can tell, my breasts have far outgrown the average size of prepubescent ones (and most grown women's, in fact).

I'm just saying.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice, I totally get the part about leaving a different name; spell it however you want, it's pronounced VeeYesha NOT geisha; just call me Trin...

...can't wait to see the pics!

Unknown said...

I love it. Well said Nani. Maybe you should use "Nani" nick name.