Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Dear Globlets,

Have you Googled "Rick Santorum" yet? Because if you haven't, you are behind. Behind. Behind, like a bum. Behind, like your rear end. Behind, like it was almost some kind of pun. A frothy, frothy pun.

Do it now. I'll wait. I'll just sit here until you've Googled it. You might have to scroll down a couple of links due to his recent surge of popularity.

Seriously? You want me to do it for you? Okay, but only if you promise me you'll do it on your own and share it with all your friends...

The definition comes up sooner when you search "Santorum," but I don't feel like re-screen-shooting.

"What is this? How vile. What could have this senator done to deserve this?"


Ricky, it's the 21st century. People can't get away with saying things like this anymore (nor should they ever have):
“If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything… It all comes from, I would argue, this right to privacy that doesn't exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution... You say, well, it's my individual freedom. Yes, but it destroys the basic unit of our society because it condones behavior that's antithetical to strong healthy families... In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing."

(Emphasis added by me.)
Maybe "can't" isn't the right word, because the recent Iowa caucuses imply that they can. Santorum didn't win, but Mitt Romney only won by eight votes. Eight votes. Not eight percent. Eight votes.

(You should follow the @BorowitzReport if you aren't already. Hilarious and clever political tweeter guy.)

If this is all you know about this U.S. Senator, I'll be happy with that.


Mommet said...

Um, Santorum lost by 8 votes. LOST. By only 8 votes.

The fact that he did does not invalidate anything else you've just said. Except for the "lost" part ;)

Ori. said...

Shit. Right. GOOD. I'm GLAD. This is better news than I thought, but it's still terrible that he got so close.

Marissa, the giant squid. said...

I laughed, and I laughed. Then I showed it to everyone I could. Jesus Christ, you may make me a social pariah but I like your face, and your thoughts on froth.

Ori. said...